Recently my dad asked me if my partner minded that I never cooked him meat and “forced” my vegetarian diet on him.
My dad usually knows better, but we were out on a walk on a lovely snowy day and the great outdoors must have made some of the patriarchal crap stuck in the darkest corners of his brain come out without having been filtered.
I lost it a little.
I’m nobody’s maid.
The fact that women don’t just blow their lids more often is astonishing considering the amount of sexist BS they have to deal with on a daily basis.
Although, when they do try to defend themselves and set the record straight on what’s appropriate for a woman to hear, they are likely to be told “don’t be so emotional”, “stop being so dramatic”, or the ever-so-infuriating “you have no humour whatsoever”.
So, think about what you’re going to say before you open your mouth to talk to a woman. If you would not say it to man for fear of sounding stupid, just don’t say it to her either.
As a black woman, I am subjected to racism every single day. Most of these instances are subtle, and just to enjoy my day I knowingly let some of them slide.
It's tiring having to fight every single racist remark or message I come across, especially when people don't even realize they're being racist. If I spent my time speaking up everyВ time a racist ideal occurred, I'd have to quit my day job.
I've come up with seven examples so you can see what I mean.
"Get Out" was triggering in so many ways, but one of the moments that stood out to me wasВ the way Rose's dad, a white man, changed his tone and mannerisms when he spoke to Chris, a black man.
Every time he blurted outВ "my man!" followed by an awkward laugh, I was smacked in the face with deja vu.
I've beenВ met with an exaggerated "giiirrrrrl" from white women from time to time, just as I've witnessed many of my friends being called "brotha" by white men.
A lot of times we're not sure if white people are trying to sound cool, bond with us or mock us. No matter the reason, it makes us uncomfortable.
More often than not, the media creates an unnecessary and inaccurate image of black people that tarnishes their character. This is most triggering when the media demonizes black victims while humanizing white criminals.
Let's not forget when Brock Turner was found guilty of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman, his swimming accolades were mentioned in the same breath.
However, victims of police brutality like Eric Garner and Alton Sterling were painted as violentВ when the media released past criminal backgrounds that had absolutely no correlation to their unjustified deaths in the hands of police.
Even when young black girls go missing, there are instances where their mug shot is used in a missing person's report.
Meanwhile, white suspects rarely have their mugshots used in the media. You'll usually stumble upon a story about rape, theft or even murder presented with the suspect's happy, smiling face staring at you.
SometimesВ they're even complimented on their appearance.
Recently, Cosmopolitan released --В then deletedВ -- a list of the 10 most beautiful women "according to science," except they left out all women of color. The list was unanimously made up of white women.
After immediate backlash, the post was deleted.
Excluding black women fromВ standards of beauty happens on a daily basis.
Adding "science" to back up their findingsВ only makes it even more racist, as if beauty is not an objective attribute, but something naturally and physically achievable to only white women.
Glorifying white beauty has been masked by encouraging straighter hair and praising thinner facial features. These types of ideas have beenВ conditioning usВ every day.
Remember earlier this year when Chris Cuomo equated fake news allegations to black people being called a historically harmful and racist slur? Ha, good times.
We come across ridiculous comparisons like this all too often. The words "reverse racism" are thrown around so loosely, you'd almost think it was a real thing.
Prejudice, on the other hand, is absolutely a real thing, and is something that any and all races are subjected to. But racism? Not so much.
Racism is systematic and institutional, and white people actually benefit from it whether actively or passively.
Still, white people are obviouslyВ entitled to speak up in instances where they are being mistreated or wronged. Just don't link yourself to black people when doing so.
We don't think white people are eternally shielded from all things negative. We get it, you are human and you come acrossВ roadblocksВ just like the rest of us. However, our experiences are not and will never be parallel.
When you pretend as if you aren't afforded more than us or that you suffer the same adversaries, you are actually driving a bigger wedge by playing victim. It's as if you're tryingВ save face of your privileges by acting as though we all deal with the similar issues.
This one may be confusing.
While we want you to understand how we're affected by racism and to acknowledge our struggles and your privilege, we don't need you to try to overcompensate because of guilt.
Many times, if we're not dealing with a white person who tries to relate to our experience, we're dealing with a white person who over apologizes for the cards we've been dealt.
By all means, please speak up when you witness an injustice.
That is what we need. Do not spark up an awkward conversation about race whileВ I'm kickingВ back, trying to escape it all. If I'm just relaxingВ with my friends having a grand ol' time, please don't invade my space with your white guilt.
Let's face it: Your actual motives behind randomly bringing up how you disagree with racism really revolve around trying to prove to us that you are one of the good guys, rather than trying to actually resolve racism.
What you're doing is actually counterproductive.
Your words don't come off as genuine or authentic. And many times when you initiate conversations about racial inequalities in spaces that are meant to be our time to unwind, you're making us uncomfortable.
If you really wanted to be the solution, you'd speak up when necessary. Any other time, you'd just prove your supportВ by treating us the same way you'd treat a white friend.
We don't need special attention from you, we just want equality.
Please do not run to me asking if I can show you how to "nae nae" or what cuffing season means. Even if I have the answer, I probably won't share it with you.
It's offensive when our opinion or knowledge is only sought out when it revolves around black cultural influences that have become the latest craze in mainstream America.
Do we not have anything else to offer?
Pretending as though none of these issues actually exist is the biggest slap in the face of them all.
Being able to choose not to acknowledge racism is the greatest reward of privilege. It's pretty ironic how you can practice both racism and privilege all at once by denying it all.
The very first step to overcoming racism is to at admitВ that it is real.
Everything that followsВ truly isn't that difficult as long as you try to remain aware. At the very least, try to refrain from perpetrating any of these examples.
It'll honestly make all of our lives easier.
 [1a] '2020 Australian Reconciliation Barometer', Reconciliation Australia
 [2a] [2b] '2018 Australian Reconciliation Barometer', Reconciliation Australia
 'Racism happens to all', MX News 28/1/2014 p.6
 [4a] [4b] [4c] [4d] 'Are you a casual racist?', SMH 30/5/2013
 [5a] [5b] [5c] [5d] [5e] [5f] [5g] 'In denial over a deep vein of hate', SMH 6/2/2010 p.5
 [6a] [6b] [6c] 'Challenging Racism', research paper, University of Western Australia 2011, www.uws.edu.au/social_sciences/soss/research/challenging_racism
 [7a] [7b] 'Sick side of racism', MX News 18/9/2013 p.2
 [8a] 'Tackling racism from within', NIT 7/8/2008 p.25
 'Jack Charles Gives Minister The Goodes Oil On Australian Racism', New Matilda 2/6/2015
 'The Gentle Warrior', Koori Mail 474 p.21
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 'Kevin Rudd's brutal slapdown of Australians who don't think we have a racism problem', SMH 12/2/2016
 ''Casual' abuse no laughing matter, says rights boss', SMH 2/6/2013
 Note that the concept of 'white' can limit and be stereotypical as well. Many more people who are not 'white' fall into the same category when it comes to racism.
 'Academic Robin DiAngelo: 'We have to stop thinking about racism as someone who says the N-word'', The Guardian 17/2/2019
 [16a] '“What do these blacks want? An education? Send them back to the bush where they belong.”', The Stringer 30/6/2013
 'Silva service: Indigenous sisters who are doing it for themselves', SMH 2/6/2019
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 Personal email, 7/2/2011
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 For more see www.givenothing.co.nz.
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 'Obama mania', Koori Mail 443 p.21
 'Is Australia racist? Here are the 10 stunning stats', SBS 27/2/2017
 'March for Wotton', Koori Mail 435 p.8
 'American audience to hear Tasmanian Elder's stories', Koori Mail 432 p.17
 [34a] 'Australia is most comfortably racist, says Daily Show presenter', SMH 16/4/2013
 'The Koori Woman: No surprises for me in First Contact', Crikey 26/11/2014
 [36a] [36b] 'Fire burns bright in Person of the Year', Koori Mail 481 p.45
 'McLeod tells UN of victory over racism', Koori Mail 494 p.4
 'Racism move praised', Koori Mail 483 p.97
 'She's got so much more to do', Koori Mail 504 p.21
 [41a] Australian Bureau of Statistics, Australian Social Trends, 1996, Housing Stock: Housing conditions of Indigenous people
 'Hypothetically speaking', Sunday Life Sun Herald Magazine, 8/2/2009 p.17
 [43a] [43b] 'Poor health, racism go hand in hand - research', Koori Mail 448 p.32
 [44a] [44b] [44c] [44d] [44e] [44f] 'How do we build a health system that is not racist?', Crikey 21/11/2013
 'Is racism affecting Australians' health?', SBS News 21/2/2014
 'Truth Hurts: Shock Jock Lines Up Adam Goodes Over Racism Comments On British Radio', New Matilda 12/11/2014
 [47a] 'Through American eyes – A correspondent who covers race in the United States encounters a young Indigenous population defying stereotypes', ABC News 27/6/2017
 'Sickening findings in new report', Koori Mail 505 p.13
 'Goodes accepts apology for teen's slur', Sun Herald 26/5/2013
 'Vilified Aboriginal girl tried to "scrub" her skin white', The Age 24/6/2015
 [51a] 'Racism truly is sickening', Koori Mail 425, p.32
 'A cry for help', Koori Mail 437 p.7
 'Telling it like it is', Koori Mail 509 p.57
 'Cutting through in a town like Alice', NIT 6/8/2009 p.25
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 'Grants scope widens', Koori Mail 419 p.51
 'Respect the key to our survival', Koori Mail 442 p.26
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 [59a] 'Coon cheese to be 'retired' after 21-year fight to change its name', SMH 24/7/2020
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 'Uncle Ben's rice firm to scrap brand image of black farmer', The Guardian 18/6/2020
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 'Racist mountain renaming raises controversy in Vic', NIT 27/11/2008 p.8
 Randwick City Council, www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/about-council/history/historic-places/historic-street-and-place-names/street-names-a-f, 31/1/2015
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 Personal communication, 9/8/2011
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 [80a] Austlii: Eatock v Bolt  FCA 1103 (28 September 2011), www.austlii.edu.au/au/cases/cth/FCA/2011/1103.html
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 Koori Mail 394 p.28
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 Phill Moncrieff, Aboriginal musician, personal communication
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Korff, J 2021, Racism in Aboriginal Australia, , retrieved 16 March 2021
These are signs that your wife is cheating, that can be traced at the initial stage of cheating itself. But if you have already missed out on that, here are few signs of a cheating wife who has already crossed her initial stage of cheating.
Did you catch your wife cheating on you and now are you confused with what to do next? After going through the research and after telling you the cheating wife signs, I have a few points for all my male friends. If you see any of these signs in your wife, do not panic. Talk it out with your wife in the first place and try to analyze what is lacking in your relationship.
After all, you have already learned the fact that most of the time, a woman will cheat on her husband because of marital problems. What a wife really needs is unconditional love, respect, understanding and companionship. See if you are lacking in any of these before blaming your wife of cheating, at the cost of losing her faith in you.
And for the women who are reading this, I am just left with one thought… The lover you might have outside your marriage is like a perfectly beautiful dress on a mannequin outside a boutique that you wish to wear. You spend a lot on it and then you repent because it may not fit you that well…and you will realize that your old pair of jeans is much more comfortable than any other dress you see outside!
My first memory of where I learned to objectify women started while watching the sitcom Family Matters, where the character Laura Winslow is Steve Urkel’s love interest.
“Love interest” is putting it lightly, though. She’s more like his obsession. His insistence on repeatedly pushing himself into her life is represented as charming, cute, and nerdy. In reality , it’s destructive, objectifying, and dehumanizing.
Unfortunately, when I was growing up, the vast majority of TV shows had this trope: a man is in love with a woman, and her function is simply to be his love interest.
As a child with a malleable brain, I spent decades viewing women in this manner. I thought women were simply the plot devices in my life with no personalities. I viewed them as extensions of my own ego, just like I was taught, rather than people with minds of their own.
I can remember countless times when I’d say something flirtatious to a female friend and she wouldn’t respond, and I was convinced that she either didn’t hear me or didn’t understand that I was flirting with her.
So, embarrassingly, I would try harder to get her attention. This, of course, eventually cost me several friendships. And in hindsight, those women were right in cutting off communication with me.
This was partially due to an old TV sitcom trope where a man will throw a sexual innuendo at a woman, and the “joke” is that she’s completely unaware of what’s happening. She’ll either be staring off into space or not paying attention, and she’ll look up and ask, “What did you say?”
And the man will respond, “Oh, nothing, I didn’t say anything.” This is followed up by laughter from the studio audience, which to me was affirmation that women are completely oblivious to men’s advances.
In essence, women operated as empty vessels for men to project their wants and needs onto.
In these TV shows (and also many comedy movies), it’s a rarity for men to inquire about the women’s wants and needs. I don’t know many (or any, honestly) scenes when a man ever makes an effort to even get to know a woman on any level that recognizes her humanity and autonomy.
When women are represented this way, it encourages men to mistreat and disregard them – or to treat them as comedy fodder – because the perception is that they aren’t bright enough to know what’s going on anyway.
Perhaps even more destructive is that it encourages men to be more aggressive when women are not acting the way they “should” be acting, when they aren’t responding in the way men would like them to respond. This is coercive, controlling, and wholly damaging to an entire gender.
People should be treated with respect and empathy, not dehumanized and objectified, and we need to be better about representing women more positively in television and media.
Women should be represented as the well-rounded people that they are, not empty plot devices.