Fine dining and galleries filled with art you don’t “get.”
Nobody taught you this! They said you wouldn’t need to know this!
You were mesmerized by the clock and ball thing at the entrance and had your first panic attack in the IMAX theater. They should really warn you about the 3D jellyfish.
If you don’t have a pool, there’s a good chance your house was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
It is still there, though, right? Someone’s keeping an eye on it?
Your adolescence was spent between Gameworks, Ron Jon Surf Shop, and Regal Cinemas 23.
I live here, you fair-weather snowbird! Get your pasty skin off my beach!
It’s the Broadway of the South. Or at least of South Florida. Or at least the part of South Florida that’s north of Miami and south of Pompano Beach. This is where you’ve seen Rent, Wicked, Hairspray — or perhaps you just accompanied your grandma to witness the musical prowess of Dudu Fisher.
Is there even public transit in Fort Lauderdale?
True, places are too spread out to walk to in the crazy Florida heat but still close enough that if a 15-minute car ride can’t get you there, you’re probably not going to go. This is why you haven’t been to the Everglades (25 minutes away).
But you’ve grown accustomed to sharing the road with a bus with a beak.
Just in case.
Just in case.
“Where’s the bargain?!” At the Swap Shop, a gargantuan flea market filled with furniture, electronics, clothing, antiques, art and some pretty dodgy-seeming people. It’s also home to amusement rides you threw up on as a kid and a drive-in movie theater which you’ve always wanted to go to but your parents won’t let you (even as an adult!) because it’s “not safe.”
Despite being in the south of the United States, Fort Lauderdale is home to many transplants from the Northeast. That said, there are still parts of town where you’ve line-danced the night away and have to beware of people merging into your lane on horseback.
People who live in places with four seasons practice the art of layering their clothing, like onions, to adjust for temperature changes. Floridians are more like, well, oranges. Give us a coat and we’ll bundle. Otherwise, we’re more or less peeled to the skin.
100% humidity can apparently exist even outside bodies of water.
25. You’ve gotten drunk in Himmarshee Village or at Riverfront.
And you’re home.